Christmas, When Everything Feels Louder

Kia ora,

As Christmas approaches, the world seems to get louder. Shops fill with music, calendars fill with obligations, and everywhere you turn there are reminders of what this season is supposed to look like, happy families, full tables, easy laughter, traditions carried on without interruption.

However Christmas looks for you this year, it’s enough.

But for many people, Christmas is not light and easy. It can be the first Christmas without someone you love. Or the third, or the tenth and still it catches you off guard. It can be a season that highlights absence rather than abundance.

Grief doesn’t take a holiday. And it doesn’t follow a timetable. At Whakaaio, I often hear people say things like “I just want to get through Christmas” or “I feel guilty for not feeling festive”. If that’s you, please know this: there is no right way to feel at Christmas. You are allowed to step back. You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to change traditions or let them go entirely. You don’t have to be cheerful for other people’s comfort. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for ourselves is to lower expectations. To choose quiet over busy. To mark the season in a way that feels manageable rather than performative. That might mean lighting a candle. Taking a walk. Leaving a place early. Or doing nothing at all. All of those are valid.

If you are supporting someone who is grieving this Christmas, the best gift you can give is not reassurance or distraction, but presence. A simple “I’m thinking of you” can mean more than you realise. You don’t need to fix anything. You just need to show up gently. Christmas can be a tender time but tenderness is not weakness. It is a sign of love, and of connection, and of remembering.

From all of us at Whakaaio, please take this season at your own pace. However you are feeling is okay. However you are coping is enough.

Warmly,

Claire

Whakaaio